This show on HGTV is weirdly addictive.
The premise is straightforward: a person or couple who is in the market to buy a house or condo talks a little bit about what they are looking for. Then they go with a real estate agent to go see three options, at the end of every option in every episode, the real estate agent says "So, can we keep this one on the list?" Then they choose one, tell you why, and we fast forward to a few months after they've moved in and they say how much they love the new place.
And somehow, the show is amazing!
I think the allure is in the combination of seeing cute houses, along with the cheesiness of the obviously scripted format, and the practically negligible amount of suspense while you wait to see which one they chose.
I could probably watch half hour episodes for at least 9 or 10 hours straight. In fact, I'm going to set the Tivo and try to do this at Thanksgiving.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Have We Talked About, Pt. 1
Welcome to Have We Talked About, a column where in lieu of having anything original to say, I dig up an old image (credit: Internet) and talk about it.
Our first item is about a year old:
Here's my interpretation of this scene: Kristen Bell, looking stiff and awkward, chooses Zachary Levi, leaning against the wall like a tool, in her weekly Rose Ceremony. Congratulations, Zachary Levi.
Condolences to the guy who plays Marc's boyfriend on Ugly Betty, who did not earn a rose, but is playing it like he doesn't care in the background.
Stay strong, Marc's boyfriend. You're an inspiration to all of us whom Kristen Bell doesn't really care about.
Our first item is about a year old:
Here's my interpretation of this scene: Kristen Bell, looking stiff and awkward, chooses Zachary Levi, leaning against the wall like a tool, in her weekly Rose Ceremony. Congratulations, Zachary Levi.
Condolences to the guy who plays Marc's boyfriend on Ugly Betty, who did not earn a rose, but is playing it like he doesn't care in the background.
Stay strong, Marc's boyfriend. You're an inspiration to all of us whom Kristen Bell doesn't really care about.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Confessions of a Chuck Bass Enthusiast
I watch like nine billion TV shows on Monday nights, and Gossip Girl is of the lowest priority, because it's awful. As far as I'm concerned, if the TV show Gossip Girl were a character on the TV show Gossip Girl, it would be Jenny in season 1.
That said, like most humans, I'm totally infatuated with Chuck Bass. Who wouldn't be? He's Chuck Bass!
(I tried to edit out his mullet, but I gave up, because guys, he kind of just has a mullet. I can't control that.)
I have a vivid fantasy about him! It's one that I think I can safely assume is typical of a Chuck Bass fan, because it's really the only reasonable fantasy one could produce. (That's right! I'm talking about my logical fantasies.)
I will describe it for you now so you can stop wondering what people see in this guy!
In my Chuck Bass fantasy, I'm in a loveless marriage with Chuck Bass. In fact, we basically hate each other. We probably got married in Vegas or somewhere. I only married him for his money, and he only married me to be spiteful toward Blair Waldorf, with whom he's totally still in love.
(Notice Chuck Bass creepily staring at her in the background.)
He would go off all the time and have intense romantic encounters with Blair, but they would always end badly. What's more, he mends his heart by cheating on me with every other woman in the city, and sometimes I have to find out, and then he has to buy me nice things, like $100,000 sapphire rings I would never wear. We'd be constantly antagonistic, and that's only if we can't manage to avoid one another.
This part might deviate from the norm (the rest is necessarily the standard Chuck Bass fantasy, and I'll go to the wall for that). Every night we have this really stiff, tense dinner together where we each sit on the opposite end of a comically long dinner table. We have this live-in chef who makes really dreadful dinners--just disgusting recipes--and the only time Chuck Bass and I ever get along is when we're mocking her food, dryly, right in front of her. But she can't quit because we pay her too much.
I WOULD LOVE THIS LIFE. Is it too much to ask?
That said, like most humans, I'm totally infatuated with Chuck Bass. Who wouldn't be? He's Chuck Bass!
(I tried to edit out his mullet, but I gave up, because guys, he kind of just has a mullet. I can't control that.)
I have a vivid fantasy about him! It's one that I think I can safely assume is typical of a Chuck Bass fan, because it's really the only reasonable fantasy one could produce. (That's right! I'm talking about my logical fantasies.)
I will describe it for you now so you can stop wondering what people see in this guy!
In my Chuck Bass fantasy, I'm in a loveless marriage with Chuck Bass. In fact, we basically hate each other. We probably got married in Vegas or somewhere. I only married him for his money, and he only married me to be spiteful toward Blair Waldorf, with whom he's totally still in love.
(Notice Chuck Bass creepily staring at her in the background.)
He would go off all the time and have intense romantic encounters with Blair, but they would always end badly. What's more, he mends his heart by cheating on me with every other woman in the city, and sometimes I have to find out, and then he has to buy me nice things, like $100,000 sapphire rings I would never wear. We'd be constantly antagonistic, and that's only if we can't manage to avoid one another.
This part might deviate from the norm (the rest is necessarily the standard Chuck Bass fantasy, and I'll go to the wall for that). Every night we have this really stiff, tense dinner together where we each sit on the opposite end of a comically long dinner table. We have this live-in chef who makes really dreadful dinners--just disgusting recipes--and the only time Chuck Bass and I ever get along is when we're mocking her food, dryly, right in front of her. But she can't quit because we pay her too much.
I WOULD LOVE THIS LIFE. Is it too much to ask?
Doctor Whobama
me: is Obama a big DW fan?
is DW a big Obama supporter?
Valeah: both!
12:39 PM
Valeah: Obama was like, "I love your show!" and DW was like, "Ah yes, that little stretch of time when there was a TV show about me! It was a long-running show by your standards, but fairly insignificant in the whole of human history. Not as successful as say, Pushing Daisies, which ran for 200 seasons, or Pushing Daisies: Chuck And Digby After The Apocalypse, which as far as I know, never ended," and Obama was like, "Contribute to my campaign!" and DW was like, "I can't, under FEC regulations, because I'm not an American citizen."
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Pushing Daisies Makes the World A Brighter Place
And not just figuratively. One of the reasons Valeah cites for loving the show is all the "bright colors and round things." And it's true, the production design is one of the greatest things about the show. One of the featurettes on the DVD's mentions the ridiculously high budget for building sets because no existing place in the world is pretty enough for them to film in.
Watching episode 2.01, Bzzzzzzzzz!, it's pretty clear where all of that money goes. The Betty's Bees set was incredibly intricate and impossibly cute.
Honeycombs everywhere! On everything!
The Ned/Chuck dynamic is, of course, the other reason to watch the show. They're in love and they can't touch, and what could be better than that?
Of course, because of that the climax of the episode had nothing to do with the procedural or the bees. It was when Ned flashed Chuck this adorable grin:
And just because it's the season premiere and I missed it so much, here's a bonus grin!
Watching episode 2.01, Bzzzzzzzzz!, it's pretty clear where all of that money goes. The Betty's Bees set was incredibly intricate and impossibly cute.
Honeycombs everywhere! On everything!
The Ned/Chuck dynamic is, of course, the other reason to watch the show. They're in love and they can't touch, and what could be better than that?
Of course, because of that the climax of the episode had nothing to do with the procedural or the bees. It was when Ned flashed Chuck this adorable grin:
And just because it's the season premiere and I missed it so much, here's a bonus grin!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Of Chuck and Portmanteaus
Chuck returned last night, and it was great!
A couple things of note:
1)I fully support the use of the Flight of the Conchords song "Foux de Fa Fa" in this episode.
2)Valeah and I are big fans of Strahotski.com, a fansite for Yvonne Strahovski. We're strong believers in the Celeb Name Portmanteau, and not the Brangelina kind. Valeah once registered the domain name "Mariska-Haircutay.com" but the site never took off like Strahotski has.
3)When I say Chuck returned last night, what I really mean is that it returned last week on Hulu, which is when I got these screencaps of Jeff's "resume", arguably the best part of the episode:
"I've worked here forever... 18 years and know where all the bodies are buried Ha Ha Ha"
"My co-workers have nice feet. I like to take pictures of them. And then [tell?] them.
CHUCK = [?]
Anna = [?]
Morgan = [75%]"
A couple things of note:
1)I fully support the use of the Flight of the Conchords song "Foux de Fa Fa" in this episode.
2)Valeah and I are big fans of Strahotski.com, a fansite for Yvonne Strahovski. We're strong believers in the Celeb Name Portmanteau, and not the Brangelina kind. Valeah once registered the domain name "Mariska-Haircutay.com" but the site never took off like Strahotski has.
3)When I say Chuck returned last night, what I really mean is that it returned last week on Hulu, which is when I got these screencaps of Jeff's "resume", arguably the best part of the episode:
"I've worked here forever... 18 years and know where all the bodies are buried Ha Ha Ha"
"My co-workers have nice feet. I like to take pictures of them. And then [tell?] them.
CHUCK = [?]
Anna = [?]
Morgan = [75%]"
Monday, September 29, 2008
Dead of Sylar!
Here lies Valeah. Sylar was a good guy on Heroes tonight, and in being good, he killed Valeah.
It was just too glorious, and her heart gave out.
1984-2008
It was just too glorious, and her heart gave out.
1984-2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Leighton Meester, born in prison. What's with John Mayer's hair?
Saw the new US Weekly Cover at the grocery store just now! Leighton Meester's mom was a drug smuggler who gave birth to Leighton in prison. That's pretty scandalicious, right?
Valeah doesn't share my excitement.
Valeah doesn't share my excitement.
10:29 PM Danielle: http://www.usmagazine.com/news/exclusive-leighton-meester-my-mother-was-always-there-for-me
10:32 PM Valeah: my only reaction to this Us Weekly cover is what's wrong with John Mayer's hair Danielle: WHAT?
LEIGHTON MEESTER
BORN IN PRISON
DRUG SMUGGLING MOTHER
10:33 PM Valeah: he looks like Johnny Quest
Dirty Sexy Money is like a Dirty Sexy dream.
Everything Greg Berlanti touches is gold. More on this in subsequent posts. But for now, Dirty Sexy Money.
Dirty Sexy Money was meant to reinvent the primetime soap. A modern Dynasty. Certainly, this has been done a thousand times, but we can forgive it. DSM has the perfect blend of O.C. self-aware humor, Desperate Housewives over-the-top plot twists, and Titans sprawling family intrigue.
(I promise that will be the last time I make a Titans reference. Does anyone remember that show?)
Anyway, Dirty Sexy Money. It's delicious. During the first season, Danielle and I watched it together each week, and yet she seems to remember about five minutes of it cumulatively. She doesn't remember a single storyline, which I guess is a symptom of watching a soap--every ridiculous thing runs together in a forgettable kind of way. But what I find more worrying is that she can only refer to the characters by the actors' names, and I'm pretty sure there are central characters she has no recollection of. It's...weird.
Here are some actual quotes pertaining to Dirty Sexy Money:
Danielle: "I forgot a Baldwin was in this show."
Valeah: "What's the main character's name? The lawyer?"
Danielle: "...Peter Krause?"
Valeah: "That actress is the woman Jeremy tried to seduce on Dirty Sexy Money. Remember, when he pretended to be poor, and parked her car, and pretended to be a starving artist and then later made out with Peter Krause's wife?*"
Danielle: "Uh...no. I have no idea what you're talking about. Who's Jeremy?"
Bottom line: Danielle is bad at watching TV. I am more trustworthy.
*I admit I have no idea what Peter Krause' character's name is either.
Dirty Sexy Money was meant to reinvent the primetime soap. A modern Dynasty. Certainly, this has been done a thousand times, but we can forgive it. DSM has the perfect blend of O.C. self-aware humor, Desperate Housewives over-the-top plot twists, and Titans sprawling family intrigue.
(I promise that will be the last time I make a Titans reference. Does anyone remember that show?)
Anyway, Dirty Sexy Money. It's delicious. During the first season, Danielle and I watched it together each week, and yet she seems to remember about five minutes of it cumulatively. She doesn't remember a single storyline, which I guess is a symptom of watching a soap--every ridiculous thing runs together in a forgettable kind of way. But what I find more worrying is that she can only refer to the characters by the actors' names, and I'm pretty sure there are central characters she has no recollection of. It's...weird.
Here are some actual quotes pertaining to Dirty Sexy Money:
Danielle: "I forgot a Baldwin was in this show."
Valeah: "What's the main character's name? The lawyer?"
Danielle: "...Peter Krause?"
Valeah: "That actress is the woman Jeremy tried to seduce on Dirty Sexy Money. Remember, when he pretended to be poor, and parked her car, and pretended to be a starving artist and then later made out with Peter Krause's wife?*"
Danielle: "Uh...no. I have no idea what you're talking about. Who's Jeremy?"
Bottom line: Danielle is bad at watching TV. I am more trustworthy.
*I admit I have no idea what Peter Krause' character's name is either.
Rose and the Doctor
I've been watching a lot of Doctor Who lately. Sometime around the beginning of series 1 (Okay, it was during The Unquiet Dead, 1x03) I told Valeah how much I love it when Rose and the Doctor are in mortal peril and lovingly gaze into each others' eyes.
Valeah told me that Rose and Nine were definitely not in love and she thought I was reading things wrong. Which is strange, because Valeah thinks everyone is in love. A week after this, I finally watched The Parting Of The Ways, the Series 1 Finale. Immediately upon finishing, I sent Valeah this e-mail:
um DEAR MY FRIEND VALEAH,
I have recently come to understand (while watching 'The Parting of the Ways'), that you did not in fact ever watch Doctor Who. I understand that, as someone who watches unhealthy amounts of television, you would want to cover for yourself, but please allow me to inform you that it is an OBJECTIVE FACT that Rose and Nine are DEEPLY, DEEPLY IN LOVE.
The other alternative is that you are both blind and deaf, in which case I commend you for successfully faking it, and even carrying on phone conversations with me for several hours every day, although it would explain why you mostly just spend them reading to me about stupid Christopher Meloni Nickelodeon movies in Entertainment Weekly. If this is the case, I greatly pity you because you will never see the glorious moment where Rose is about to die because the time-space vortex is filling her brain (to compare it to something you will understand, this is like when Jack O'Neill put his face inside that thing and then had all of the knowledge of the Ancients because Richard Dean Anderson was tired of being the stupid one [the "muscle," as Dennis might say.]) and the Doctor says to her the words
"I THINK YOU NEED A DOCTOR" (OH MY GOD)
and then pulls her to him and they kiss with all the chemistry of , okay, I admit it, all the chemistry of Veronica and Piz (and not when Veronica said "the fat fish", but actually when they kissed. Which is to say, not very much at all), but STILL, HE SAID "YOU NEED A DOCTOR." COME ON.
Love,
Danielle
Valeah told me that Rose and Nine were definitely not in love and she thought I was reading things wrong. Which is strange, because Valeah thinks everyone is in love. A week after this, I finally watched The Parting Of The Ways, the Series 1 Finale. Immediately upon finishing, I sent Valeah this e-mail:
um DEAR MY FRIEND VALEAH,
I have recently come to understand (while watching 'The Parting of the Ways'), that you did not in fact ever watch Doctor Who. I understand that, as someone who watches unhealthy amounts of television, you would want to cover for yourself, but please allow me to inform you that it is an OBJECTIVE FACT that Rose and Nine are DEEPLY, DEEPLY IN LOVE.
The other alternative is that you are both blind and deaf, in which case I commend you for successfully faking it, and even carrying on phone conversations with me for several hours every day, although it would explain why you mostly just spend them reading to me about stupid Christopher Meloni Nickelodeon movies in Entertainment Weekly. If this is the case, I greatly pity you because you will never see the glorious moment where Rose is about to die because the time-space vortex is filling her brain (to compare it to something you will understand, this is like when Jack O'Neill put his face inside that thing and then had all of the knowledge of the Ancients because Richard Dean Anderson was tired of being the stupid one [the "muscle," as Dennis might say.]) and the Doctor says to her the words
"I THINK YOU NEED A DOCTOR" (OH MY GOD)
and then pulls her to him and they kiss with all the chemistry of , okay, I admit it, all the chemistry of Veronica and Piz (and not when Veronica said "the fat fish", but actually when they kissed. Which is to say, not very much at all), but STILL, HE SAID "YOU NEED A DOCTOR." COME ON.
Love,
Danielle
Danielle and Valeah's Magnificent Television Blog
Valeah and I are moderately to extremely funny, depending on who you ask. As a part of our efforts to discern just how funny we are to other people, as well as a way to feel validated when we spend six hours straight talking about television, we have started this Magnificent Television Blog.
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